Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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