Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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