you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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