So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
