I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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