What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
