that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
