i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize