I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
