I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
