Michael Bay diarrhea
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize