plz talk dirty to me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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