Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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