everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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