ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize