Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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