we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
