we were pretty classy up until the second keg
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
