Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize