Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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