The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
