Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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