I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
