JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This baby is an asshole
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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