Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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