return my video game
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Michael Bay diarrhea
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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