then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
