You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
