there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just found puke in my bra..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
