He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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