John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
