If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
