I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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