Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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