remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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