How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
