You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
