it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry about my life...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
