just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
