So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
