the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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