So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
