My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
