she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You are a genius and a whore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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