I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
