Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
