I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
