I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
