come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
