you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
