Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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