STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
