i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
