reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
