:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
