The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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