with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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