i permit you to call me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
