Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
