i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
