I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
