im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
