i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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