I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
