He told me they were just razor bumps!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
