I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
