Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
