im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
