So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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