the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
