I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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