The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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