this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
