toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
