If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
