I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So. Much. Porn.
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