pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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