why do cheetos always look like penises
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize