I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Randomize
