I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
