Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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