I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
