Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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