i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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