Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He shit in the fireplace
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
