cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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