just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
