but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize