Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
