Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
