I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
