I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
