My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
