Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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