just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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