I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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