Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
